i'm a cowboy...

..."COWBOY!... on a steel horse I ride. And I’m wanted...WANTED... dead or alive..."

I’ve just gotten home, a little hoarse and dizzy from a night of over-enthusiastic karaoke. My friend Jiang is leaving our work to move back to China, and in a dramatic send off we all sang loudly at her for a couple of hours. Under a glow-in-the-dark imitation of Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus” on the wall in one of those private rooms, in one of those classy establishments, we belted out some hot-rockin’ trax like there was no tomorrow. We’re so sophisticated.

There were certainly some stand out numbers that will prevent Jiang from ever wanting to return to this fair land, which of course was all part of the elaborate plan to make it easier for her to leave. I did my bit; I partook in a duet of Blondie’s “Call Me”. Other than that I contracted a strange condition, or perhaps an electrical fault of some sort, that saw my voice silenced each time a microphone was pointed in my direction. Much like a wild dog, I prefer to howl in a pack.

You see I can not, I repeat not sing. I like to try (in the safety of a loud crowd or a soundproof car), but in all reality I’m much more of the drag queen type myself. I’ll do the moves, and I know all the words, but along with Betty-Boo and Milli Vanilli, I’m designed purely for lip-synching. Top of the Pops here I come!

“Call Me. On the line. Call me. Call me any day or night. Call Me!”