Renamed:
It turns out I have a big decision to make. Should I change my name?
For years I thought I wouldn't, but recently I have warmed to like the idea. However, Mr You hates the concept of me taking his name, not that he doesn't want to share it, it's just that he said he doesn't want flossy-p to disappear off the face of the planet. He thinks it's really sad that the person he fell in love with won't exist anymore.
What if I double up? Have both names, no hyphen, just two names?
What if I wait and see how I feel once we have children?
flossy-p.... flossy-You.... flossy-p You....
I honestly can't decide. I'm in a pickle.
What did you choose to do? How did you decide? Are you happy with your decision?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
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29 comments:
It truly is a dilemna! In the end I decided to change my name, purely for the fact that I wanted to be the same as my kids (and I didn't want them to have 2 surnames). Hubby didn't mind either way. I do miss my old surname but now that we are expecting I'm more than happy to share our family name. It's a completely personal decision though and you can always change it later on if that's what you decide... I did mention to hubby that he could take my surname but somehow that didn't happen :)
I haven't been in the situation you're currently in because I've never been married, but if and when I do I believe I will keep my maiden name because I like it and people know me by that name (I'm in my 30s) and I will add my husband's surname (without a hyphen). When my mother remarried she chose to keep my father's surname because it's her children's last name, but she added her new husband's surname.
With that said, I see more and more nowadays women keeping their maiden name (or their pre-marriage surname) after they're married with their children having two surnames and I see nothing wrong with it. It's a personal decision, but I don't feel a woman disappears just because she takes her husband's surname (although I can understand where your fiance is coming from). Once you're married you are no longer one person, but a team, one unit working together. We are ever changing, always growing in life.
Flossy p you har har har.
Here there are five different ways I think you can choose for your name.
Angelique and Nadalene both did the same thing.
They kept their name for their professional lives. But have married names for travel, family, etc.
So for example:
Angelique Khan known as Ms. Khan at school (teacher). Also peers know her as Angelique Khan.
As Josephine's mother her name is Angelique St-Hilaire and her daughter is Josephine St-Hilaire.
When she signs her name at school it is Ms. Khan and when she signs it outside of school it is Ms. St-Hilaire.
Here many professional women keep their last name but do not hyphenate it.
So Angelique for example would be
Angelique Khan St-Hilaire and that way she can choose to use one or the other depending on the circumstance, but she would not use both. In this case it is as if Khan is a middle name.
Long winded I know.
Love you darling.
xoxoxo
I took my dh's name, cause I liked it, I wanted us all to be one unit, and my dad was a prick anyway, so no sentiment getting in the way. The only part I really miss is that my last name was Irish, and now you would never guess, to look at me. My sister married someone with an Irish last name, and I slightly envy her, lol.
I kept my fathers name. I was proud of him and proud of my journey of self acceptance. After having my children I felt like a needed to share a name with them. My husband jokes that it is too late to take his name. I had my chance and I have now missed my opportunity. But a name is a name. I often get addressed as Mrs P when its to do with my kids and that is OK. Because I am and will happily answer to either.
Flossy-p will be flossy-p no matter what name you attach to the end.
I had a very unique last name that blended well with the rest of my name. I didn't necessarily always want to give it up. But another part of me was proud to be joined with Love and be part of his family. I didn't want things to be confusing for my kids. In the end I chose to take his name and I don't regret the decision. I suppose I'm a little traditional in that way. I will always be a [insert maiden name here]. They are my family and I am still me. However, Love and I are a unit now. To me the name change signifies that.
um, this is a tough one. I was going to take the future husband name and drop mine, but my dad and I just started reconcilling, so I am now thinking of "maiden married" no hyphen.
Hmmm... I have a hyphenated surname (too confusing to explain) and I HATE it. It causes all sorts of troubles. Appointments, reservations, tax returns. Some people even think my middle name is Edward! If I got married, I would LOVE to get rid of my surname.
Having said that I do like Flossy! Is that really your name (I always thought it was a nickname)? If so, I wouldn't want to get rid of it either!
I took my husbands name. My maiden name wasn't my birth name anyway. My mother had a few marriages and the last name when I was married was the name of one of her husbands who died when I was 12. She had remarried before his death and my last name did not match anyone else's in the family anyway so it was not a problem changing it.
I changed my name in 1978 when I was first married and I have always regretted it. It is hard to change your name, even once, and if you find yourself unmarried (for whatever reason) and you marry again, then you have the dilemma of changing yet again, or keeping a name that someone you are not married to gave you. Of course, people think that having the same name as your children can be important, but if your children marry and change thier names, then... I have had my current surname for 10 years and sometimes I slip (usually when answering the phone at work) and call my self by my last different last name!
i have didn't change my nmae and never will but now feel a bit weird because Busy and Chef have the same last name and mine is differnt, should have put my last name in Busy's name somehwerewhich I always planned but was in such la la lan d when I did the birthcert. that I forgot all about it... now I ma harbouring secret desire to change her name to include mine... I also didn't change it as professionally it would have been too confusing... but the MAIN REASON: I hate filling out forms and changing my name seemed to involve a lot of paperwork
In Spain we get to keep our names all the way :)
and now that i think of it, I wouldn't like to change my name at all. wouldn't it be like losing track of who you are/were?
I dunno.
It is a tough decision. If you have kids, it's nice to have the same name. On the other hand, if you like your original name then, I would keep it. Oh, and hyphenated names are a drag.
Don't change your name, please! It's everything that we have. It's yours, it's you...
Flossy, I'll try to answer the questions you have asked me:
here in Spain (and I think it works in the same way in many South American countries), when you get married your name stays as it has always been. No chance of doing it any other way. Your children can legally either take your husband's last name or yours but traditionally they take your husband's.
People refer to you as Mrs. "your husband's last name" only in very formal occassions; it's seen old-fashioned. The rest of times people can refer to me as Mrs. "my last name".
And, yes, we are "my husband's last name" family. However, my mom and her 5 sisters (they all have the same last name) have succeeded in having everybody around refer to our family as "their last name" family. And we are a big one.
If there's anything else you want to know, just ask. It's an interesting topic.
:)
i kept my name, after all it had been mine for twenty-some years. it has never been confusing with my kids or with anyone really, and i've never really thought twice about it since i made the decision. it's not like changing your name really changes who you are essentially, so i suppose it's no big deal either way, but i figured that the whole wedding ceremony, the rings, the public vows, and all that certainly made it clear that i was committed, so why not keep the name attached to me all my life. good luck with the decision making process!
Goodmorning Darling:
Their last name becomes like a middle name on papers.
So my name is Renee Gabrielle Khan
I have dropped the Ste. Marie (my maiden name) but I don't use my middle name Gabrielle on official papers and just put Renee Khan and so they would do the same.
Angelique at work is Ms. Khan but on official papers like passport etc. it is Angelique St-Hilaire.
It is a way to keep your last name for professional reasons as well, but her children would only have the one last name.
xoxoxo
Hi! I found your blog through Emma of Benconservato. It's super lovely and I will be back again! :)
I felt much the same as you when I got married. And Matt felt much the same as your husband. We even talked about somehow combining our surnames and coming up with something totally different, and both changing our names to that! In the end, I decided to just keep my name until we had kids. Then when I had my son, I changed my name to Matt's surname. The main reason I decided to go with tradition was that I knew it would make Matt's family happy (in particular his dad, as Matt is the only son) and I did want the kids to have the same family name as both of us (and hyphens didn't appeal). Also, I guess that because Matt didn't mind at all either way, it was easy for me to make the decision without any bias or prejudice (e.g. if he had been determined that I SHOULD change my name, I probably wouldn't have done it :P) But in the end it was totally my choice, and I'm really happy with it. But then, I don't really feel defined by my name either. I'll answer to anything :P Sorry for the long-winded response. Good luck with your decision!! XX Bec
I had planned to keep my name. I was known professionally by it for so long that I thought I'd just keep it. I was proud of who I was.
We didn't have to fill in the names until the day of the wedding, just after the ceremony. I was so excited and so thrilled that right on the spot, I took his last name and changed my middle name to my maiden name. I miss my middle name sometimes, but I'm so happy I decided to take his. It was an impulse, but it was right for me! [I'll admit a week or two of regret shortly after, but that very quickly ebbed!]
Let me start by saying that I am now divorced (have been for 15 years now) so perhaps this is not a good example- because I wish you more luck than I had. Anyway as the years passed when I was married I felt I had lost myself and I did not know the person with my married name, I could not bring myself to sign my paintings with his name. And the minute I left I reverted to my maiden name and became myself again. I think that it is more about not losing you in the relationship than the name itself. My children have decided to take my name as well and created double barrel names when they started high school much to the annoyance of their father who objected as he had 'ownership' of the children by them sharing his last name (I have full care of them). When they become 18 they have decided to make their unofficial double names oficcial.
Do what honestly feels right to you, you can always change back!
I took on my husbands surname for three reasons. People used to make boring jokes about my surname because it was "Shaw" so they'd often say "are you sure, Anna Shaw?" after I said something! Also, my father was adopted, so it wasn't my surname by blood as such. And, it is kind of nice to feel a part of his family by taking their name.
Well. This was a big debate for us too... I ended up taking on "Molly Sutton Kiefer" (Sutton being my old last name, Kiefer being the new). Our kids will be Kiefers, though they might have "Sutton" as a middle name. It was a compromise. I kind of wanted him to take my last name. He really wanted me to take his. I didn't do the hyphen, but I do like us being "the Kiefers." I wanted to keep publishing with my old last name too--just so it wouldn't be confusing later.
I wrote about it a little on my old blog:
http://sylviatheteacher.blogspot.com/2007/05/few-thoughts-on-act-of-wedding.html
I decided to change my name...only because my maiden name is not very pleasant and I have a brother, so I know the name will be passed on.
But I have lots of friends who kept their maiden name and only after they had children did they decide to hyphenate or change it. It is logical and if I liked my maiden name I would have done the same.
It's also a huge pain to change your name with all the running around. Standing in line at the government buildings and being put on hold at the bank and such. Once it's changed though, its done and you don't have to think about it anymore. whatever you decide is fine. Luckily we live in a time when either way is totally acceptable :)
I changed mine as I wanted it to be the same as my kids, but you know I really was happy to change so that is why I did it. If you look inside, check out the name options, you will soon know which one is the true you and that is all that matters
a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet...
ahck. it's a pickle for sure. i chose the hyphen and now ready to lose it and the last bit.
i like my mr. close to my first name so that is what i did.
of course i would just like to have one name, just susan. that would be easiest! tee hee.
i would say it is not too hard to change your name whenever you change your mind!
xo
s
*which is even shorter than susan*
I'm a bit late on this one. I had similar ideas, with a boring last name like "Gray", I was happy to take on a more interesting one like "Augustin", yet couldn't bring myself to give up the "Gray" in the end. I felt like I'd photographed and designed under that name for too many years. The funny thing is, I don't like hyphens either.
What I've finally decided is to drop my middle name that I never use anyway, change my name via deed poll, "Gray" will be my new middle name and "Augustin" my last. In design terms, I now always use Melanie Gray Augustin and feel like it has my history as well as my present and future :)
I should say, that I have actually officially changed my name after 3 1/2 years of marriage, but have been using it anyway. The law says that you can do so, it's just when you want to change things like your passport that you need to really register the new name.
Hey Flossy P! Oh this is a tough one. I took my husbands last name, but I wish I had named my kids middle name my maiden name. I suppose what bugs me the most is when I get mail addressed to Mr & Mrs "my husbands first and last name." As if it's not bad enough that I've given up my last name - at least the person addressing the envelope can write my first name.
I love my husband and I do like my last name, but I suppose I get a little bitter about it all ;)
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