This is a very much re-worked, and heavily edited version of the post I mentioned that I almost posted last week… I decided keeping it bottled up wasn't working. To get myself out of this mood I'm going to have to let it out. Prepare yourself for some crankypants...
Yes, we’re getting married soon, but let’s keep it in perspective here people;
- Mr You and I will be standing in a garden making our personal promises to each other.
- I AM NOT entering the Miss Universe pageant!
- Why do people keep mixing these two things up?
Say you’re getting married, and suddenly people are overcome with a need to turn you into a child-beauty-pageant contestant!Have you ever been to the hairdresser or a beautician and straight off they’ve said something insulting (such damaged hair, that doesn’t suit you, your skin is so dehydrated, etc)? I think it’s a sales technique to get you to sink money into them to “fix” you. But in actual fact they’re just making you feel bad, while you think to yourself, “No wonder I don’t do this very often”.
I’m finding the lead up to our wedding has been one HUGE case of that. Not just people I’m potentially hiring, it’s friends and family too! I never realised so many people were thinking ill of my un-kept fingernails, pale complexion, uneven skin tone, small boobs, hair colour, height, etc. etc, etc. I mean no-one has been outright rude to me, but these constant comments, suggestions and opinions are adding up. And when I suggest that I’d like to just look like a slightly more spruced version of my normal self, people look at me like I’ve crawled out of a swamp.
Isn’t being a “bride” (shiver at that word …more than usual this week) supposed to make you feel beautiful? Well, I don’t. I’m feeling further and further from it thanks to people expressing their un-filtered opinions. It’s as though all these things they’ve thought about me for years now have a reason to be expressed.
Am I really that much of an abomination?
From now on, I’m putting my foot down. People insisting I simply must have my nails done, get a spray tan, false eyelashes, etc, are in for a shock. No more shall I respond with a meek “Do I really have to?”… No more I tell you. From now on I’m getting tough.
I may even have a t-shirt made that clearly states “I AM NOT Miss Universe”. And perhaps some flyers wouldn’t hurt either. Something along the lines of:
Things at our wedding that (believe it or not) are NOT going to affect our future marriage:
Oh, and I might get these pictures printed on the back of the flyer too, just to prove a point…
From now on, I’m putting my foot down. People insisting I simply must have my nails done, get a spray tan, false eyelashes, etc, are in for a shock. No more shall I respond with a meek “Do I really have to?”… No more I tell you. From now on I’m getting tough.
I may even have a t-shirt made that clearly states “I AM NOT Miss Universe”. And perhaps some flyers wouldn’t hurt either. Something along the lines of:
Things at our wedding that (believe it or not) are NOT going to affect our future marriage:
- The state of my fingernails
- If my skin is not exactly identical in tone from my forehead to my toes
- If I’m so pale I “blend into the curtains”. (yes, someone actually said that to me).
- If my hair has streaks or not
- And if the accessories I select to wear at our wedding are not colour matched to pantone perfection.
Oh, and I might get these pictures printed on the back of the flyer too, just to prove a point…
Fair skin + pale dress, can = classic elegance.
CAN SO! Have some imagination!
18 comments:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx lovely beautiful Floss!!! i so hear you!!! People said the same to me when i wasn't getting my hair and make up done etc etc and i felt the same as you - what is wrong with what i look like now??!...as i have said to you before all this crapola doesn't matter the main thing is you and Mr You will be married and even more in love and happy than you are right now. I am sorry that it has been so stressful and people have been mean to you. poor you! mwah!! ooo
I LOVED this post. Such liberating thoughts! Thank you.
Oh, and the dress on the left of your photo montage? sdjfhasjhfjkshjfhsk! So gorgeous I can scarcely type.
Danielle
(a reader from long ago; I used to be at white-crayons.blogspot)
Good for you! Back in the day (before I was married) I read a book called "The eternal bliss machine" which opened my eyes to the effort of the bridal industry (which many others have bought into)to make brides feel as though if their "day" isn't perfect, their marriage won't be either. It is a special day, but hopefully, it will not be the MOST special day in your life. You don't sound cranky - you sound like you know what you don't want!
Yes, I loved that post too! Good reading, and don't back down. It is after all your wedding, your life and your soon to be husband. Threaten to elope and maybe they will shut up.
Ah Flossy, you soooo remind me of myself when I was planning my wedding. Everything is so stressful and it's difficult to keep perspective when EVERYONE has an opinion. the crazy thing is that the wedding event is only ONE day and a marriage is (hopefully) for a lifetime. But you'd think it is the other way around with all the hype family and friends give it. I remember getting so frustrated by everything that by the time the day came I was one big ball of tension. I hope you stay stronger than me and really hold onto what you feel is the most important. It is just one day and 10 years down the road no matter what pain you have gone through to plan the most perfect day, you will only remember the very happy moments anyways :).
Oh, and I've always thought that fair skin + white dress is truly gorgeous. You are going to be drop dead gorgeous :) I love the photos you found.
Exactly! It is your wedding day, your marriage and your body! Some people seem to try to live the marriage they wished they had through you.
We got married on the beach in Byron. I wore a light pink cocktail dress had no tan and did my own hair and makeup. Hubby had been a wedding photographer and I had occasionally helped him out. My goodness, what a shock it was seeing all those expensive weddings. We just knew we wanted a simple wedding. Family and friends were shocked at our ideas. It was kinda funny. But we made it the wedding we wanted.
It was a beautiful day. My father walked with me down the beach to my gorgeous man. There were tears in our eyes as we promised to love each other for as long as love lasts. After the ceremony we all went to the honeymoon cabin near the beach and drank champagne and cut the cake. Dave and I got our photos taken at the lighthouse and dolphons jumped in the waves. (His mother is also a wedding photographer so that was our wedding gift.) I threw my flowers over the cliff and into the waves. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face all day. That night our families went into Byron with us for dinner and drinks, not your noraml reception.
And do you know what? Afterwards everyone told us what a beautiful day it had been and how they enjoyed doing something different and how beautiful I had looked!
Oh dear. Really long post. Hope that helps! Pale is beautiful. Kirsten Dunst is my favourite.
:)
Thank you for your lovely comment, I just posted a new one right after I saw it. That dress in the top right is gorgeous - chosen yours already?
I am sorry to hear that those wanting to be helpful are not quite getting... you.
They are probably used to scores of girls over the years who wish to transform themselves into something other on the day, I might be one of them someday, who knows?
The fact is you have enough rare confidence to be yourself as a bride and not a nervous state, let them know it gently and they shall soon get the point
Duh, you can be pale... that's how most folks were who were "elite" until everyone decided skin cancer later in love was pretty.
I didn't do a thing to my nails.
I left my nose ring in.
I'm not sure if I shaved that day. Long dress = who cares?
My hair wilted in the sun. Meh.
My sister did my make-up because I don't know how to put on make-up properly.
My mother made my dress and I was indifferent to it. Meh again. It was poofy and white.
I married my favorite person in the whole world. And people had a good time, there was lots of free beer and wine, and everyone went home with hail damage on their cars. Bonus!
It's going to be a gorgeous day and you are going to be gorgeous and don't let anyone tell you otherwise because this day is about You and Mr. You and when you look back, you are going to remember how he looked at you that day, not how everyone else wanted you to look.
Kick 'em in the shins if they think differently. :)
I got a real chuckle out of your post....funny isn't it how people really think they can say whatever they want at certain times...like the lead up to a wedding...am sure you can come up with some classic replies...hee hee!
It's YOUR wedding. Don't listen to them. I got married on a farm, with one weeks notice...I found a dress, brushed my hair, put the effort in for eyeliner and lipstick, and roped in my friend to make my wedding cake and ginger head lei, and made the wedding dinner a potluck, with everyone bringing something. It was talked about for years as one of the best weddings people had been to in so long. Your friends love you now, and they will love you after the wedding, untrimmed fingernails be damned. Have your day the way YOU want it. And invest in a pair of earplugs for when people feel the need to shoot the mouth off. :p
I had to giggle at the blend in with the curtains commment. Phef! What bride ever blended with the curtains. Try to ignore all that annoying white noise. I can't wait to see what magic you and your Mr create on your day.
what a great post! yes put your foot down!!! it's only one day. the marriage is the important part and people often lose that. i found a $300 cotton dress i liked, decided to invest in expensive makeup and do it myself rather than pay someone to do - and i got to keep it!, kym did all our canapes, a friend took photos, in mum and dad's garden, and it was perfect! pale bride and all!!! he he
My goodness. Weddings are a world of madness. There was a good article in the current edition of World Sweet World about green weddings that you might be interested in. Mind you, it sounds like you've had enough wedding talk for the minute.
I am soooo with you on the hairdresser bit!! That is why I never ever go!! Can you believe it? Actually, I went once to have a complicated perm but never again - I cut my own! And just tell those "well meaning folk" who keep giving you "advice" to put a lid on it!!
Pale is gorgeous and bugger anyone who thinks otherwise! I bought one wedding magazine before my "big day" and it completely freaked me out - telling me that I had to start fortnightly facials six months before the wedding!! WT!! Weddings are such a big industry and sadly, I think so many people get caught up in that.
Really, I believe that your wedding is simply a day to celebrate the committment that two people who love each other are making. Our day was quite simple, very us, a day with close friends and yummy food. My mum says that her friends still rave on about it being the best wedding they've ever been to because it was just that - a day truly about us.
Try to block out anything other than wonderful comments leading up to the day and have a great time!
Oh, I agree - with you and all of these comments. What a lot of hype goes on with weddings... it's your day, do it exactly as you want to, wearing whatever you want to.
Stay strong Flossy!
one more thing...boo and hiss to whomever is not making you feel good about yourself.
x
You could go to the wedding in a paper bag and have rolled in mud and landed in oatmeal and you would still be stunning and the most beautiful person there.
I know it.
Love Renee xoxo
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