weddingy wednesday 11

Keeping Perspective:

This is a very much re-worked, and heavily edited version of the post I mentioned that I almost posted last week… I decided keeping it bottled up wasn't working. To get myself out of this mood I'm going to have to let it out. Prepare yourself for some crankypants...


Yes, we’re getting married soon, but let’s keep it in perspective here people;

• Mr You and I will be standing in a garden making our personal promises to each other.
• I AM NOT entering the Miss Universe pageant!
• Why do people keep mixing these two things up?

Say you’re getting married, and suddenly people are overcome with a need to turn you into a child-beauty-pageant contestant!

Have you ever been to the hairdresser or a beautician and straight off they’ve said something insulting (such damaged hair, that doesn’t suit you, your skin is so dehydrated, etc)? I think it’s a sales technique to get you to sink money into them to “fix” you. But in actual fact they’re just making you feel bad, while you think to yourself, “No wonder I don’t do this very often”.

I’m finding the lead up to our wedding has been one HUGE case of that. Not just people I’m potentially hiring, it’s friends and family too! I never realised so many people were thinking ill of my un-kept fingernails, pale complexion, uneven skin tone, small boobs, hair colour, height, etc. etc, etc. I mean no-one has been outright rude to me, but these constant comments, suggestions and opinions are adding up. And when I suggest that I’d like to just look like a slightly more spruced version of my normal self, people look at me like I’ve crawled out of a swamp.

Isn’t being a “bride” (shiver at that word …more than usual this week) supposed to make you feel beautiful? Well, I don’t. I’m feeling further and further from it thanks to people expressing their un-filtered opinions. It’s as though all these things they’ve thought about me for years now have a reason to be expressed.

Am I really that much of an abomination?

From now on, I’m putting my foot down. People insisting I simply must have my nails done, get a spray tan, false eyelashes, etc, are in for a shock. No more shall I respond with a meek “Do I really have to?”… No more I tell you. From now on I’m getting tough.

I may even have a t-shirt made that clearly states “I AM NOT Miss Universe”. And perhaps some flyers wouldn’t hurt either. Something along the lines of:

Things at our wedding that (believe it or not) are NOT going to affect our future marriage:

• The state of my fingernails
• If my skin is not exactly identical in tone from my forehead to my toes
• If I’m so pale I “blend into the curtains”. (yes, someone actually said that to me).
• If my hair has streaks or not
• And if the accessories I select to wear at our wedding are not colour matched to pantone perfection.

Oh, and I might get these pictures printed on the back of the flyer too, just to prove a point…

Fair skin + pale dress, can = classic elegance.

CAN SO! Have some imagination!

fatigue

June 2005. That sounds like so long ago doesn't it? 4 years.

That's when I started this blog. I missed my bloggy B'day again, ooops.

I think I'm starting to fatigue. I've had many bloggy friends retire over those years. And I can completely understand why.
Others, like a phoenix, burn out only to bloom again in another form even more bright and lovely than before.

I think I either need to "pick up the pace" and interestingness, or maybe take a break for a while.

I recently read someone's post having a rant about "blog princesses" (which I learnt is a term to describe someone who blogs but never returns comments). I felt a massive wave of guilt, realising I'm become a really lazy commenter too. I'm still reading your blogs, I'm just finding myself too tired to comment. I've reverted back to my lurking youth. heh-heh.

Taking a break would be such a relief.

Ahh, who am I kidding? I can't give this up, it's too entrenched... At least not without a good excuse (like having a baby). I have no excuse...

You'll have to just excuse my infrequent, lack-lustre posts. And I'll just squint and hang on till this slump passes.

In the meantime, I do apologise (both for my boring blog, and this pity-party).
I'll make it up to you.

my neighbour across the road is horrible

One of the great things about having a blog is the power to publicly "out" people. When I say "out" them, I don't mean dragging people kicking and screaming out of the closet. No No, I just mean general things, like the time I snuck a photo of the man who was cutting his fingernails on the train (letting them ping all around the place, people ducking for cover), and then posted the photo here, to secretly embarrass him for his disgusting habit. Gross!

It's a great threat too. If Mr You should tease me about something, I have the brilliant comeback of threatening "I'm going to put that on my blog and then the whole world will know". :D That works well :) hehehehe

But today, I am so so sick of the nasty man across the road, it's now his turn.

Horrible Nasty Man, This is Your Life!
(See the use of bold there? That's to embarrass him even more. Oh watch out, I have weapons people... a blog and the ability to embolden. Duck and cover).

Here begins my cranky rant...

So Nasty Man (who I like to call Dickwad), is probably in his mid thirties. God knows how, but Nasty Man has a wife, a daughter who is about 8, and a baby who is less than 12 months.

Often I have to put up with a whole day of him revving his car as he attempts to "fix it" himself. And clearly he's no mechanic. This is annoying, but, you know, fair enough I guess. Maybe he can't afford to take it in to be fixed. But it's his nastiness that gets my blood boiling.

His daughter seems to want to bond with him badly. When he rides off on his bike she follows on hers. When he mows the lawn, she follows with the rake, when he washes the car, she's right at his side.

Only 2 days ago when they were washing the car together this is what I hear him YELL at her;
"Are you deaf, blind or stupid? It must be one, which is it? It says SOAP right there. See it?! So which one is it? Just STUPID?"

Call me crazy, but a simple "There it is" would have sufficed in that instance.


This type of thing happens often. Now, I'm not at all nosey, I'm not hiding in the bushes to get this info, all of this is yelled loud enough for me to hear inside my house, while I'm playing music.

My newest pastime is coming up with comebacks, and trying to telepathically beam them into her little head to yell back at him. "I'd be much prouder being deaf, blind AND stupid, as opposed to nasty, aggressive and abusive!"

Then just now, this is what I heard him yell very loudly at his wife;
"You're a fucking slag and that's all there is to it. Do you know what a slag is?"

He likes the questions, you see. It makes him feel intelligent I think.
Oh Joy! There he goes again, more yelling. More swearing, more questions... He's so nasty.

Now, I know he's probably like this because that's how he was treated as a kid. But I really have a hard time with people that don't even attempt to break the pattern. I've tried being understanding, but I'm just so sick of all his nasty vibes.

And in oh, about 20 mins, he will speed off his him dumb car, and his wife will blast her Evenescence CD unbelievably loudly across the nighbourhood for the rest of the day in an attempt to hide and heal.

I hate Evanescence, and it's all his fault.

Nasty man, you should be ashamed of yourself. You need help. Go get some, and leave the rest of us in peace. Dickwad!

(And this, ladies and gents is why I could never be a social worker. Praise you angels. I don't know how you stop yourselves from wanting to slap people.)

...end rant.

oh bah mah

Good God. If that man can wrangle a government with the same power and skill as he can give a speech, we're in for some serious sparkle!

And, as some slightly dubious audience members who were yelling out to a band I went to see recently, would say... "Shine Brother, Shine!"

exhale

Thank-you America!

Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you.

nasty business

I was half way through my fine art course at university when a new government was elected in, the arts funding was cut and quite literally over a month we lost enormous amounts of staff and resources (while still paying the same fees). We were left with not much more than our own devises to make art. And although artists are excellent at adapting, we were left unsupported and somewhat quashed.

When I heard about Orphan Works legislation that is before US Congress, it really caught my attention, and in a flash I was signing a petition to oppose it. Up till now even if everything else has been taken from our grasp, the one thing we do still have is our art.
In a nutshell, as an artist you currently own a copyright as soon as you create something. International law also supports this. But the Orphan work legislation means that you will have to register and pay fees for every work you create with a registry to keep your rights to it. It’s apparently being considered in the US and Europe.

So if you’re interested you can read more here or here, and sign the petition here.

Honestly, who comes up with this stuff?

It makes me wonder, as gallery fees and access to funding has become unreasonably expensive and difficult, more and more art has taken to the streets. Made in back alleys and on public walls, under the cover of darkness with hidden identities, street art has surged ahead. So much so that works by Banksy (for example) are now auctioned at Christies and owned by the Angelina Jollies of the world.

It shows me that you can’t kill art, art making is an essential part of humanity, but it makes me wonder what would happen if it was supported.


Meanwhile last weekend 1000 of Australia's "best and brightest brains" were invited to gather for the 2020 Summit. Basically a huge democratic workshop for the new government to listen to the ideas of “the people” for their ideal society in the year 2020. The people invited represented different streams of society.

Most of it was telecast, and I watched with bated breath as Cate Blanchett addressed the arts group during the introduction. Here are some of my favourite parts of her speech:

… not as an adjunct to, but as a fundamental aspect of society. Now we’re not wrong in claiming this fundamentality, what the human race does is create, and what makes our species unique is its ingenuity…

...They cause trouble without doing damage. They fix broken things where glue just won’t do. They spring from the very thing that binds us, and they goad us on to being so much more than we ever thought.

Now there’s this ridiculous notion out there, and has been there for a long time, that you’re either a science person or an arts person, and I hope that this summit refuses to countenance such inane and counterproductive social divisions… Science and art are siblings. Science and art are different outcomes of the same primal urge in us all to engage with, to detail, and to affect narratives and patterns.

Now a few years ago I had the pleasure of meeting President Clinton… he liked talking to artists… he said because they existed just a fraction ahead of culture… he said he always read the latest airport novels, spy thrillers, unpublished manuscripts, unpublished screenplays because writers were often right on the money where the technology and ideology, a lethal combination, were heading. He listened assiduously to music coming up from the streets, because he knew that those people knew their audience’s needs and wants.

…We’re here today to think beyond our current practices, and beyond our current needs. We’re here to imagine the best possible society in 2020, and then reverse engineer our way back from there to some broad sustainable policy recommendations that can help those visions be realized. Now I believe much can simply be done by imagining the arts where they rightly belong, at the very heart of our society... we will all believe something today, we will all want something out of today, but it’s important to remember the bigger picture, the future…

Her full speech is well worth watching (it’s only 6 mins). It’s a feel-good one.

a wall challenge

I’ve mentioned our new government before, so I’m not going to go on and get all political on this blog. But I do want to talk something through….

The Background:
Yesterday our new Prime Minister presented an apology in parliament to the Aboriginal people of Australia for what has been named the stolen generation. It was broadcast practically everywhere and was a huge event. (Again I’m not going to go into all the history and details, but it’s well worth looking into, so I’ll put some links at the end of this post for those who would like to become educated about the topic).

A-ny-way…

The Catalyst:
In general I have avoided facebook like the plague, but yesterday there was a movement for people to change their status to “is sorry”, i.e. "flossy-p is sorry". My friend Henna noticed that one of her facebook friends (I’ll use her initials) had changed hers to: “KH is not going to apologize for something she didn't do, it goes against all of her principles.”

Henna was livid at this and has apparently "challenged her on her wall". Again, being a non-facebooker I don’t know what this entails, but it kind of sounds like it may require the use of jousting poles.

A-ny-way… it got me thinking.

My Point:
There are two types of sorry aren’t there? There’s a sorry of apologizing for something you’ve done, and there’s a sorry that offers sympathy and love and asks forgiveness.

It got me wondering why people have trouble saying sorry. Is it because those people have apologized for things (it’s generally one of the first manor-related things we’re taught as children), yet they have never had the opportunity to learn how to be truly sorry?

I mean, as an example, it’s the kind of sorry you say to a friend who's parent or child has just died. Of course you may never have known that parent of child yourself, and you are not personally responsibly for them dying, but you still offer your sorry, your deep sympathy, as a way of summing up all the other things you're feeling (I didn't know them, but if I could have I would have changed the way things turned out... I'm hurting deeply just thinking about what you've been through, let alone having to go through it myself, I'm so sorry it's you that has to do that... I’m sorry this is so painful for you… I'm sorry that no matter what happens this is going to scar you forevermore... I'm thinking of you... etc)

That type of sorry is the acceptance of responsibility too, but it’s the kind that demonstrates an intention for you to step up, be strong, and give a part of yourself to those who need it. A promise that you will do what you can to improve the future for that person (or those people). It takes strong people to be able to be open and selfless enough to extend those heartfelt sentiments, without resorting to feeling defensive.

In fact, come to think of it, the first kind of sorry I mentioned; apologies, may benefit a whole lot from a pinch of the second kind.

Some Links:
So anyway, for the specifics of why the “sorry” that was shared yesterday had such importance:
- What is the stolen generation
- What was said during the apology
- An article about the day around the country
- One man's personal reaction

not just talk

I’m not sure I’ve ever been able to say this before… I feel so proud of our new government! A month ago we had a federal election and ousted the last government after a very long time. In the short space of a month the new government has already made giant leaps towards climate change (in a good way, instead of bad for once), ratified the Kyoto protocol, pressured the Japanese government into not slaughtering 50 humpback whales this year (an endangered species, although they’ll still be whaling), and now they’re reviewing our place in Iraq.

Finally I feel like I can come out from hiding my face behind my hands and be proud of being part of this country again. It’s early days, so I’m still erring on the cautious side, but at least now I’m feeling hopeful. It’s amazing to live in a democracy where you can influence who represents you, your country, and your place in the rest of the world.

Power to the people, people – take it back – be part of the change – vote for what you believe in! Vote! Yaaaar !– hehehehe.

gigantic rant, be warned

I’m polite. I like to think I’m considerate. And I follow the mantra that if someone wrongs me, karma will do the dealing and it’s my place to be understanding not judgemental.
However… (and be warned, this is going to be one hell of a rant, so tune out now if you’re not in the mood)

Australia is undergoing the longest drought in history. I read the other day that Sydney will be the first global city to face a water crisis if the drought doesn’t break, we have approx. 600 days of water supply left. We’re on water restrictions, have been for years, and the government is desperately scrambling to engineer and build renewable water supplies. We use grey water to keep our garden alive and to wash our car, and lots of other little things to contribute. As are many many others.

So when I just passed a man hosing the concrete footpath I had to say something. I’m so so freakin’ sick of that generation (or people who share that mindset) that they are more entitled than anyone else. Those who don’t have any environmental responsibility or consciousness. The ones who think all this talk of greenhouse gasses, climate change, etc is some new fandangle speak that the young folk are into.

What is it with them?!!! People who have become so used to their own modern conveniences, the thought of being slightly uncomfortable or disordered offends them. Despite in many cases having survived the depression, many wars, being witness to the people power of the 60’s, the very real tragedy of Chernobyl; their sense of social and global obligation has vanished.

I don’t care, buy all the houses, spend your children’s inheritance… good on you, it’s your business, I think it’s fine, I really don’t care. But be responsible, give a damn about more than your own yard, make an effort.

I’m no hippy, I don’t chain myself to trees, don’t join protests, don’t live in a tent, am not carbon neutral. I understand that I too contribute to the hurting of the Earth, but I try to do what I can, alter my life in small ways to help, to contribute to the good. Listen. Learn. Alter.

Why are so many of “them” the same? An ex-client responsible for a so called “green product” who told us that “consumers don’t recycle anyway” and after I said I do, in the same breath she replied “yeah well there’s too much stuff being recycled, the recycle plants can’t keep up, they just through it all away anyway”. Contradiction!
My parents, for example, move into a new house and the first thing they do is cut down all the trees and pull out all the bushes, because it looks untidy, then they lay turf and can’t keep it from being sunburnt. My Uncle is boasting about wanting to poison a neighbours tree, (which not to mention being highly illegal is horrible), all because it drops a few small leaves in his yard and one day there may be root damage. They’re leaves right, not cluster bombs.

Toowoomba a town in Queensland Australia is about to run out of water. The city held a vote last year to start a water recycling plant (I know this sounds gross, but it’s advanced technology, perfectly safe, and is used in London. Yes, London’s water supply is predominantly recycled, has been for decades. I’ve drunk water in London and didn’t notice anything different at all. It’s an excellent solution). The town voted No. Why? One of the lobbyists claimed that the hormones women pee out would be so strong, couldn’t be filtered out, and would make men grow boobs! How’s that for creative propaganda? My guess is this old codger already has them anyway!

And I’m not even going to begin talking about our politicians…

So when I came upon the man hosing the concrete the conversation went thusly:
Me: “Gee, you’re brave”
Him: “Why’s that?”
Me: “Well, doing that under water restrictions” (pointing towards the flow of water down the footpath and gutter, implying the hefty fines for water miss-use)
Him: “Well, when there’s a mess, it’s got to be cleaned”
Me: “Have you heard of a broom?”