clear the throat and speak up

This time last year I made the leap from long-time-lurker to first-time-blogger. That’s right people this little blog has chugged through a whole year and to tell you the truth, I can’t work out if I can’t believe it or if I can.

I had no great expectations when I started. I’d lurked for a long time and was very good at it. I obsessed over other people’s blogs and was besotted with Illustration Friday from the very beginning, but I almost never commented or left any trace of presence.

I sat in the shadows and watched closely for almost 3 years before flossy was handed the mic.

This process over the past year has initiated many unexpected changes. I used to feel like I had to muster up a whole bunch of courage before feeling like it was okay to voice my opinion or show my real self. I’ve always been somewhat bubbly, but bubbles are easy to hide behind.

The biggest shift has been learning to feel like it’s normal and okay to speak. I don’t need to summon all my bravery just to prepare for being noticed.
A bigger challenge has been the same process with illustrations; trying to get that same feeling of ‘okay’ and normality when showing illustrations, (mind you this one I’m still working on).

I started this whole caper for the sole purpose of participating in Illustration Friday. Before that I hadn’t lifted a paintbrush in many years. I forced myself to start and to keep going. Initially it felt okay because nobody knew me and I didn’t matter.
(In fact Mr You still jokes about my first i-Fri entry breaking the record for being the shortest lived entry in history. I think it was posted to the Illustration Friday site only about 3 or 4 minutes before the topic rolled over).

Little did I know what else I would gain. The most unexpected glee has come from the friendship. I never knew that ongoing kind, supportive, encouraging comments from strangers could provide such fuel, inspiration and comfort.

Now as the orchestra booms out and before I start sobbing into my pink tafetta Oscars frock ah-laa Gwenyth Paltrow, and thanking everyone I’ve ever brushed past, I’ll wrap it up.

I’m really loving this you know. I sit at work and can’t wait to get home everyday to see what’s been going on with all you guys. It’s so much fun and much warmer out of the shadows. Thank-you.


The strange dichotomy I find myself in is that this has become such a big part of who I am now, but no-one knows about it. Nope, that’s right, no-one I know in the real world (except my most devoted reader Mr You) knows anything about it. Not my family or my sister, or anyone at work or even my closest friends. This was intentional initially, I was scared, and I thought I might censor myself. I’ve started showing some of them my drawings recently, but flossy is a giant secret. Now it’s been going so long I feel weird just dropping it in conversation…
“Oh by the way best friend/mum/only sister, I am flossy-p” (the only p in the village!)
Oops, I seem to have cast myself another shadow.
But there IS the added benefit of leading a sort-of superhero lifestyle – waiting, aware that at any moment I may need to slip off to the nearest stationary cupboard or phone booth for a quick costume change. I think my costume may consist of a quilted patchwork cape, a lowercase p embroidered on my chest and maybe a pink feather somewhere.