tempted?

Right now I wish I had a web cam set up on each of your faces ready to take a quick snap at the very moment you spy this pic. I’m laughing already, partly because of the funniness, the other part is pure nervousness as I wonder if this is the point where I finally lose all my online friends, once and for all.

Wait! Before you think to yourself “I thought this girl was sweet and wholesome… turns out she’s a freaky-pervert-sicko” and snap your browser closed, please, let me explain.

I innocently happened across this in one of my art supply boxes the other day.
“Yeah? Well how did it get there?” I hear you ask.
Okay, fair question.

Some years ago a I did a photoshoot for a friend (a talented dancing and singing camp gay man) for his promotional material. As a thank-you he gave me a hamper. A normal hamper, as hampers go, you know crackers, olives, relish, chocolates, a bottle of wine… OH! And this totally weird set of "Temptation edible body paint, in 4 devine flavours"!

I have no idea where he bought the hamper from, or if he knew this was in there; all I can think of is he must have accidentally picked up the ‘honeymoon’ hamper instead of the ‘thanking a friend for a non-sexual favour” hamper he intended to.

At first I was shocked, then confused, then embarrassed then I just laughed.

Have a look, (if you can bare) she’s a friendly lady isn’t she? And doesn’t she pull off that early 90’s Warrant groupy look so well? Isn’t good to see that even though she misplaced her bra, those sensible big white nickers were handy? And how about that wonderful landscape she’s painting?

I laughed even more when I opened it up to see what the paints actually looked like. OMG, they cannot seriously be edible! What exactly is ‘blue heaven’ flavour? They look like radioactive waste. Even if I was feeling kinky enough to try it, I certainly would think twice about letting that stuff come in contact with human skin, let alone eating it!

What’s wrong with chocolate anyway? Can’t go wrong with chocolate!
(Having said that, a guy at work told us a story of over ambitiously coating his girlfriend in chocolate body paint, methodically starting at her hand then being too sick to continue by the time he got to her elbow. The less-than-sexy attempt ended with him sending her away to shower the rest off herself).

Back to the radioactive waste…
I was too scared to throw it out in case it fell out of the bin on rubbish night, ending up in the neighbours garden, forcing them to start a petition against us, thinking we’re swingers with a keen but low-brow interest in art. That’s how it ended up in one of my less regularly accessed art boxes, and there it will stay I suppose.

That is until I’m brave enough to sell it on ebay! It’d gain loads of interest don’t you think?

(p.s. I never did mentioned it to the friend who gave me the hamper. We’ve since lost contact.)
(p.p.s. I wanted to post the images bigger for added shock value, but was concerned about hate mail from protective mothers)