If I was to tell you Mr You asked if I was “ready to get sprogged up” this morning, I realise I may need to elaborate.
I want to have a baby… just not now. I’m still a few years off (I’ve been saying that for a few years now). Before I’m ready I have to somehow overcome my mortal, yet somewhat irrational fear.
I’m not afraid of babies. I have actually grown to love them, I’m even much less afraid of childbirth than I used to be. It’s the other stuff that makes me physically squirm; being pregnant and having a whole other person growing inside of you! It’s not a vanity issue, it’s more the result of watching V and Alien movies at too young an age causing long lasting damage.
But the worst pasrt is that I can’t even say the “L” word without feeling nauseous. You know, the “L” word that describes what happens to allow you to feed your newborn baby. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeewww.
Let me clarify; I have absolutely NO problem with women breast feeding, I think it’s a wonderful and natural thing… when other people do it.
It’s become such a joke for Mr You and some “so called friends” that they often say things just to take pleasure in my displeasure.
Once, when at some friends house for dinner, I walked into the room at the tail end of a conversation just to catch Mr You say “…yeah, watch this” he aimed toward me, loaded and then fired “Lactating Sow Udder!”
Oh! And how they all rolled in the aisles in hysteria watching my body twitch and my face contort into a shape similar to the way it would if I was to lick the belly of a moulting cat.
“Don’t you want a sprog slurping at your boob?” our friends, parents of two children themselves (or sprogs as they refer to them), managed to squeeze out through the laughter. "C'mon, spit out some sprogs". And on it went.
So, back to this morning with Mr You reading a news article about the current baby boom, reading a sentence out loud to me here and there:
“…will help avoid the economical downfalls of our aging population”
“…but will cause schooling crisis in a few years, and eventually an extremely competitive employment market”
“… are they attributing it to the baby bonus?”
(our government, believe it or not, offers a baby bonus of $5,000 for newborn babies)
Then he asked me, “Have you seen the new advertising campaign about having children before you get too old?”
“No” I replied, and sighed at the mounting pressure to hurry up and get over this roadblock before I’m “too old”.
He spun around and looked at me when he heard me sigh, concerned.
Then asked, “Are you ready to get sprogged up?” right before the taunting laugh returned.
That’s not helping!
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7 comments:
LOL - Flossy, I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm turning 31 this year and the pressure to hurry up and have a baby before I get too old is making me mental. I also want a baby...eventually, but when? That is the million dollar question. The whole breastfeeding thing makes me pretty squimish too. But I suppose I'm more concerned about all the crying and sleepless nights. I know - very selfish :) I am getting closer to being ready for the whole experience, but it's comforting to hear there are others out there who share the same hesitation. We need to stick together! Ha ha.
i can always count on a good laugh when i come here! oh but i do know how you feel. the whole breastfeeding thing was the scariest part of a having a baby for me. i read everything on the subject, asked all the mums i knew, and still didn't feel any better about it - in fact felt terrified about it . . . until i did it, and then, well it's all just okay - there's something about a tiny helpless baby in your arms that makes everything so much easier, but it is definitely not something you can imagine ahead of time. not that i am trying to heap on the pressure - absolutely not! you will know when you are ready. but i will say, knowing you are ready doesn't make any of it less scary or less weird or less hard, it just makes it possible to move through it. hmm, wishing i had a $5000 baby bonus right now.
I didn't know I was ready for a baby until I had one. It's so funny that you write this, hubby and I were just talking about this the other day. "It's amazing how attached you are to the little guys when you weren't really sure you wanted one in the first place.", is what he told me and it's true.
As for the whole breastfeeding thing, I was gung ho to do it with my first but the entire experience was hellish and turned me right off it completely. So with my second, I stood firm and bypassed the whole frustrating process. Bottle feeding was much less stress and work.
Baby Bonus??? WOW, that would have been lovely.
Hmm, I would say breastfeeding is less weird once you are holding your baby; but you can bypass the whole thing and bottle-feed. I never felt ready for a baby and the years kept going by. Suddenly, I was 40. The years go by fast!
Fanlactastic! :-)
If you wait until you're ready to have kids, you'll never have them. Nobody is ready to have kids. Even the people that say they are...aren't. There are too many variables with raising kids and you couldn't possibly be ready for all of it.
BUT...once you have them and you're holding YOUR child, the child that you felt kick your belly 100 times, the child that keeps you up at night with heartburn, the child that put 30+ pounds on your body for 9 months (or in my case 65), it all become worthwhile. And all those "things" that you thought would be an issue for you go away because now you'll do whatever you need to do to give YOUR child the best start in life. Even producing milk. (Notice I'm trying to stay away from the "L" word?)
Anyway, my point is to not let fear govern what you do. Chances are once you face your "mortal and somewhat irrational fear" it won't be nearly as bad as you're envisioning. Good luck :)
I can always count on your guys for reassurance!
Love Squalor, It's weirdly comforting to know that you had exactly the same issue, but are breastfeeding right now! (probably as you read this, I know new mums only really get a chance to web-surf when feeding)
Sandra, I hear you about the "mental" part!
Rramone, Rramone, Rramone... I'll get you back, just you wait!
Thanks guys... I'm still a few years off ;)
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